How Self-Compassion Changes the Way You Heal
By Abbrielle Schenck, MS, LMFT-Associate
Becoming Ever Free
When Healing Feels Like a Battle
Healing rarely happens because we push ourselves harder. It begins when we stop fighting our pain long enough to listen to it.
Many of us have learned to approach growth through criticism. We tell ourselves, “I should be over this by now” or “If I were stronger, this wouldn’t hurt so much.” Somewhere along the way, we confused self-judgment with accountability and shame with responsibility.
The truth is that you cannot shame yourself into wholeness. Healing requires gentleness. Self-compassion is the space where grace and honesty meet, where you can face your pain without abandoning yourself.
Why Self-Compassion Feels So Hard
If you grew up believing that being hard on yourself is the only way to stay motivated, self-compassion might feel uncomfortable or even wrong. For many people, harshness was once a form of survival. Maybe you learned to silence your emotions so you could stay safe or avoid conflict.
These protective patterns might have helped you survive, but they can quietly block your ability to receive love from others and from God.
Even in faith communities, we often believe in grace for others but not for ourselves. We hold everyone else to the standard of “forgiven,” while living as if we have to earn our own peace. Yet Scripture reminds us that God’s compassion is not selective. Psalm 103:13 says, “As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear Him.”
What Self-Compassion Really Means
Self-compassion is choosing to meet your pain with understanding instead of judgment.
Over time, self-compassion builds an internalized secure base, the quiet confidence that you are safe, loved, and capable of healing.
When you respond to your pain with gentleness, you start to experience a quiet shift. The inner critic softens. The constant pressure to be “fixed” begins to ease. You start to understand that healing is not about perfection but presence.
How Self-Compassion Changes the Healing Process
Self-compassion changes everything about the way we move through pain.
When you replace judgment with curiosity, shame loses its power.
When you stop demanding that your feelings disappear, your nervous system finally feels safe enough to relax.
When you show yourself the same grace you offer to others, you begin to mirror God’s heart.
The process of healing becomes less about controlling outcomes and more about allowing transformation. Instead of striving, you start surrendering. Instead of running from your pain, you learn to sit with it, trusting that even here, God is present and working.
Practicing Self-Compassion Daily
Here are a few ways to begin:
Pause before reacting. Take a deep breath, place a hand on your heart, and name what you are feeling.
Speak grace aloud. Say something kind to yourself, like, “It makes sense that I feel this way right now.”
Replace judgment with truth. Instead of “I should be past this,” try “Healing takes time, and I’m learning.”
Invite God into the moment. Whisper, “Lord, help me see myself the way You see me.”
These small acts are not weakness. They are acts of courage. They help you move from self-criticism to self-trust, from striving to resting in God’s love.
Choosing Freedom Over Shame
Healing is not about becoming someone new. It is about remembering who you are, who you have always been, before shame told you otherwise.
Every time you choose gentleness over judgment, you are practicing freedom. The kind of freedom that Christ offers in John 8:36: “If the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.”
Self-compassion is not self-centered. It is sacred work. It opens the door for God’s truth to take root in your heart so that healing can grow where shame once lived.
You are not behind. You are not broken beyond repair. You are becoming free, one compassionate breath at a time.